Category Archives: Sex

Rethinking “marital duties”

There’s a bit of a warning that goes off in my mind when I see, printed on the “page” from the old textbook that this is, in fact, an excerpt from a textbook from the 60’s – which is why it pictures a woman from the 1800’s :), but for the sake of discussion, I’m choosing to ignore it.  So let’s break down all of the lies that are contained in such a short segment.

1.  Women are expected to only couple with men, and then it must be within the “sanctity” of marriage.  False.  Women, you should be with whomever fulfills you emotionally, mentally, and sexually; man or woman make no difference.  And get married if it’s what you like, and don’t if it isn’t.

2.  “If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.”  No my dears, you apply that face cream and (if you still wear them) hair-rollers and you let your partner see it!  If you live together, you ought to be able to be comfortable in your own home – makeup free and lounging in sweat pants if you so choose.

3.  “When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey them.”  Absolutely and utterly false!  If your partner (man, woman, married or no) wants to have sex and you don’t – don’t.  Sexual assault can and does occur within intimate and married relationships.  You should never have to engage in “intimate relations” because you vowed to “obey”.  You should only engage in intimate relations when you are actively and positively consenting.

4.  “A man’s satisfaction is more important than a woman’s.”  FALSE!  This is absolutely untrue.  Women, you need some satisfaction.  My suggestion: figure out what gives you pleasure and then share the good news!  Your partner should be just as intent on your pleasure as they are on their own and vice-versa.

5.  “Should your husband suggest any more of the unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent.”  Again, this is false.  If a particular position or act makes you uncomfortable, the last thing you should do is remain silent.  Silence is not consent for your partner to continue, but saying “No” makes it clear that you are not giving consent.  Husband or wife or partner, if one person isn’t into it, you cannot do it.  And if you begin a new “practice” and decide, midway through you don’t like it, you absolutely have the right to say stop and your partner absolutely has the responsibility to do that.

6. “Arise shortly before…to make his tea.”  He knows where the tea is and he can turn on the stove.  🙂 Your sleep is just as important as your partners.

Though this “extract” is silly, the information contained within it is dangerous.  It perpetuates very real expectations of a marital relationship and promotes marital rape, which is as illegal as rape by a stranger.  You should never have to fear your most intimate partner, and if you do there are people who want to help.  If you have any questions about what constitutes sexual assault within a marriage or in general, please contact:

ACCESS (Assault Care Center Extending Shelter and Support)
515-292-5378 (515-29ALERT)

or

Margaret Sloss Women’s Center
515-294-4154

Advertisements

Self-Love: need we say more?

Two Vagina Warriors were published in the Iowa State Daily today.  Because heterosexual sex has been a hot topic in the Daily the past couple of weeks, the Warriors wanted to respond with the notion that sex doesn’t always have to be with a partner and can be just as fulfilling (if not more so) on your own.  So here’s what our Warriors had to say:

By Ahna Kruzic and Liz Steinborn – guest columnists

In an attempt to ward off any criticism about being man-hating feminists, sex with a partner can be great. That said, the next 500 or so words are dedicated to the date that will never let you down: your own two hands and Duracell.

Guess what? Women touch themselves — and not just when they’re in the shower. Masturbation is a natural and empowering way to feel good about your inner-most self. We do it. We like it. Get over it.

My hands are perfectly capable of opening my own doors. They are also capable of getting into my own pants; I may or may not ask for help. But that’s for me to decide and you to find out.

Ladies first is good in theory and on paper. Sometimes, it’s good in bed. Most of the time it’s a half-hearted attempt at “seducing” us into letting you go all the way; it ends up being about you, not us. I can tell the difference between your best efforts at making me orgasm and you just wanting to get off.

Hot tubs and warm baths are great for self-love. And you ought to love yourself.

I can fake it and you can’t tell, because sometimes I’d rather just get it over with and go watch TV than have to put up with some lame attempt at mind-blowing cunnilingus. If you’re certain your partner has never faked it, check out the orgasm scene in “When Harry Met Sally,” it may change your mind.

I’ve been touching myself since kindergarten. So stop trying the crap you learned in men’s health magazines, and let me show you how to get it done.

Here’s a gender dichotomy to deconstruct: Women hate sex and men can’t get enough. Women hate sex because men can’t get us off — or at least aren’t very willing to try. Frankly, women spend more time talking about sex with their friends and preparing for it than our male counterparts.

Women: We would like to challenge you to speak out. Liberate your labia: Talk about your vagina and clitoris. Talk about touching it. Talk about what feels good and talk about what doesn’t. Your vagina will thank you.

And yes, we used the word “vagina” twice just then. Go ahead, say it. Because you shouldn’t be afraid to use the actual word for your genitals. Seriously.

Ladies, if you want to spend a satisfying night in, all it takes is clean hands, short fingernails, the Energizer Bunny and some comfy pillows — and explicit instructions for your roommate to knock. You can take as long as want. You can make it as quick as you want. And you don’t have to worry about any “refractory” periods.

For all you relationship people: Sex is only as exciting as you make it. Change it up, spice it up, but always do so safely.

If you think condoms are gross, stick with someone you can absolutely trust: yourself. If he won’t put it on, you shouldn’t have to put it in.

You can get from 0 to 60 in 30 seconds on your own. With someone else, you’ll have to allot 10 or more minutes unless you have a three-way with you, yourself and your partner.

Stay tuned for the next installment — The Gift that Keeps on Giving: Sex Toys and You.

Posted in , on Sunday, November 14, 2010 3:48 pm. Updated: 5:08 pm

“Sex Talk”

Check out this web comic about “communication, consent, and gettin’ it on”!

How often do you have a conversation about your wants and desires BEFORE you have sex?  It isn’t weird, it isn’t strange, and it certainly isn’t rude to communicate your wants and needs in the bedroom (in the backseat, in your residence hall, in a library corner, or under the campanile).

Do you have these talks with your partners before you have sex?  Any advice for others out there?

The Vagina Monologues

Be a part of something amazing!  Join the Vagina Warriors and audition for “The Vagina Monologues”!

The Vagina Monologues were created by Eve Ensler to end violence against women and children. V-Day is a global activist movement to stop violence against women and girls.  V-Day is a catalyst that promotes creative events to increase awareness, raise money and revitalize the spirit of existing anti-violence organizations.

All funds raised by the Vagina Warriors through The Vagina Monologues will go to benefit ACCESS.

V-Day generates broader attention for the fight to stop violence against women and girls, including rape, battery, incest, female genital mutilation (FGM) and sex slavery.

Join the fight and audition!  Don’t want to get on stage?  No problem!  We are looking for people to get involved with fundraising and advertising.

Auditions at the Margaret Sloss Women’s Center:
Monday, November 15 from 6-8pm
Tuesday, November 16 from 8-10pm
Wednesday, November 17 from 11am-1pm

Contact Christine Peterson. Liz Steinborn, or any of the Vagina Warriors to find out more information about Iowa State’s participation in the V-Day Campaign.

Email:
petey10@iastate.edu
eas123@iastate.edu

And who doesn’t want to sit around and talk about vaginas all day?!

%d bloggers like this: